"Hey Esti, what do I do?

I have terrible guilt about my little Jimmy."

This is what Jessica, a mom of two adorable kids, asked me.

First, I smiled: "Welcome to the club."

– "What do you mean?"

– "Welcome to the motherhood club!

Every mom, from the moment she gives birth,

receives a special package deal that includes

a free gift called 'guilt.' Now, tell me what's going on."

Jessica shared her story:

"I was about a month after giving birth to my second child.

Every morning, I took three-year-old Jimmy to preschool

and picked him up in the afternoon.

One recurring issue was that halfway home, Jimmy would sit on the sidewalk and say he had no energy to walk.

I tried to convince him, promised him treats,

carried him with one hand while maneuvering the stroller with the other.

I sometimes had to drag him while he whimped that he was too tired.

After a while, and following some other signs,

it turned out he was suffering from severe iron deficiency.

His hemoglobin level was seven.

This meant his weakness was real and not just a reaction to the new baby.

"Now I'm beating myself up.

I feel like I'm a terrible mom.

The kid was right, and I didn't know it.

I didn't consider his needs. Poor Jimmy."

"And what now?" I asked Jessica.

"Does feeling guilty help Jimmy?"

Jessica pondered for a moment.

"The truth is, I'm not entirely sure.

After all, he's getting the right treatment now,

so what benefit does guilt provide?

It only makes me feel depressed and short-tempered."

"That means both you and your kids are losing out because of it.

Maybe it's time to let go of these guilty feelings?" I suggested.

"You can't just eliminate the need for guilt.

It's supposed to keep us from making mistakes, right?" Jessica argued, which seemed like a valid point.

Jessica's story highlights a common dilemma.

Every mom has her own guilt.

On the one hand, guilt can weaken and sadden us.

On the other hand, it seems to play a significant role in keeping us alert and driving us to correct ourselves if we've made mistakes.

So what shall we do?

The answer is inside us.

We separate the past from the future:

What's done is done.

It is all with love in a way that is tailored to each person's needs.

From now on, we evaluate what can be fixed or changed

and implement those conclusions.

Once guilt has fulfilled its purpose,

It's good to let it go and free ourselves from it.

Two weeks later, Jessica updated me:

"I'm back to being the playful and cheerful mom I used to be.

It's just so fun to be with the kids again."

In future posts, I hope to address what we can do when a child experiences an unpleasant event.

As parents, we want to protect our children,

but in reality, they will occasionally encounter events

that might hurt or weaken them.

How can we strengthen our children's resilience

and help them navigate various challenges and come out stronger.

By the way, these insights are relevant for everyone,

even those who aren't moms yet.

They interact with children as aunts, teachers, or caregivers.

In fact, everyone is a parent,

even if not in the conventional sense of the word.

Each of us is a mom to the precious soul within,

to the little child we once were and who still lives inside us.